Wednesday, June 29, 2011

Kicking the Can

Early morning walk
 I think I may have mentioned to you that I have a short attention span. Not the totally short attention span like some folks who can't follow a conversation to the end of a sentence or can never sit still. I am more typical of someone with an ADD diagnosis. I can zone in on something that I find fascinating. For instance, I spent 30 minutes this morning researching the chemistry, uses and qualities of carbamide. Really.

Until I was about 11 I was under the impression that I had inherited my paternal grandmother's build and looks. She was dark and small. I had visions of becoming a jockey. While outwardly doing math or science quietly at my desk, inwardly I was urging some modern day Man  O' War to a total upset at the Preakness. I mentally perfected all the jocky moves while everyone else just thought I was doing my school work. Sadly, under the influence of an onslaught of estrogen, I discovered that I had inherited the stout genetics of my German ancestors. I bargained with myself that I could perhaps be a sulky racer. They could weigh more than jockies. As I grew skyward and developed ankles the diameter of my friends' calves, I allowed those dreams to slip away.
choke cherry blossoms

Running Gear!

Today, those same genetics have blessed me with strong bones and durability. However, my inner jockey/athlete is perfectly camouflaged behind a frumpy, fat lady in ankle length prairie skirts and her husband's running shoes.. So, as I find myself walkng in the morning to try to uncover bits of the inner athlete, I once again find my short wired brain multitasking. Mere walking is not enough for this brain with its visions of grandeur. No, it has to find something to do. After watching daylight come and reviewing the taxonomy of the half million or so species of plants and animals on my walking route, it became bored. Until I found the beer can! Oh what joy as I kicked that can for 2 miles. My walk flew by. My heart was light. I had rediscovered something that had occupied endless hours of my childhood. I kicked away. I was light on my feet. I swerved and dived to keep the can down the middle of the roadway. It was only later, as I was revisiting the fun I had, that I thought ...of the ...neighbors!

The Can! Before Picture

I have good neighbors. Across the river, though, at least one set keeps a spotting scope set up in their front room. I happen to know they routinely glass the hill near my house for deer and elk. They are not nosey people, just avid outdoorsmen, but they have discovered a number of suspicious activities by accident while looking for critters. I know this because they have sometimes called me to ask if someone had permission to be on my property and things of that nature. Oh my...

The Can, After Picture. Safely stowed for next time...or not.

I can hear it now.
"You gotta see this!?
"Um No! Come look!"
"What is she doing?"
"I don't know, it kind of looks like soccer moves, or square dancing."
"Did she just bounce something off her head?"
"Looks like a beer can."
"Does she drink?"
"I don't think so."
"Wow. This is pretty interesting. I don't think I have ever seen a fat lady move like that."
"She is probably going to hurt herself!"
"I can't watch,"
"Me either!"

So. If you are bored while walking and you find a can. It can be fun and good exercise. It can also affect your neighbors. I think beer cans should come with a warning like this. "The attorney general has determined that kicking this can for two miles in the sight of sane neighbors may be deterimental to your standing in the community."

There are some stories you should not tell on yourself. As soon as I publish this, I will probably decide this was one of them.

P.S. I kind of hurt my knee a little bit with this shuffle kick maneuver. It is okay though, I tell folks it is a soccer injury.


Anonymous said...

You are definitely a humor writer, too! I'm with your bud, write a book, Lawana!


2 Moms of a Feather...Stick Together said...

Hey Lawana....
this is "your bud"....

Heather is over...
she read this with me...
we laughed so hard we cried!
Love ya,
Mommy 2

Claremont NC Mom said...

Lawana, I love your writing, helps get my morning started before work each day.
Claremont NC Mom

Lawana said...

Thank you Claremont NC Mom. It is good to hear from you. I was born at Fort Bragg and I sometimes miss NC. God bless you!