Monday, August 22, 2011
Marriage is an Empty Hole in the Ground
Now that our 3rd son and his precious bride are approaching their first anniversary, I am looking back and decided to upcycle a post from before they married. I must say that people who call themselves Christian have been sarcastic and negative about the purity standards Isaiah and Becky kept and particularly that they wanted accountability in the from of chaperones to protect Becky's name and to avoid the "Appearance of Evil." They have been more accepted by the agnostic and atheist crowd. I will say as a lead in, that watching them has been a blessing. They indeed do have a "special" life. They are kind, caring, involved in the lives of others, ministering to little children and old people while having a reasonably carefree and playful first year. Regardless of whether you agree with their tactics, or if you are jealous or have sour grapes. I hope you will read with an open mind.
From last year...
I am concerned about the state of affairs in our nation. I see people generally living above their means and spending money that isn't theirs to spend. Our economy is teetering on the brink due to this fact. Also, morally, I see a similar thing. People giving their hearts and their bodies to someone who isn't theirs to share these things with. As a result, families are starting out financially, morally and emotionally near bankruptcy. Their honeymoon years are fraught with needless stress and heartache.
Hard times can strike any one at any time, but being overextended financially or being emotionally off balance due to the effects of prior romantic or sexual involvement predisposes a young family to failure. Increasingly, I see young couples who want a nice or sometimes wonderful home within the first year or two of marriage. The nice homes of their parents and grandparents usually took many years to trade up to if they ever got them at all. Similarly, I see couples with huge emotional debt from premarital affairs with other people who were not intended as their spouse. Also there are many couples who extended the currency of marriage, emotional and sexual intimacy, to each other when they didn't have an account. The emotional equivalent of unsecured debt. As a result, many families find themselves in needless foreclosure and emotional distress.
It is refreshing to see a new generation of young people who want to build there lives on solid rock. These young folks are saving up and buying their homes debt free. They are saving their affections for the one who is entitled to them, their spouse. This is the way that Isaiah and Becky want to start their lives. They are building their future home with their own hands, as they are able, without debt. They also are waiting to start their intimate relationship until after the wedding, having abstained from romantic relationships with others as well.
Right now their home and symbolically, their marriage is a big empty hole. Most people think of marriage as a box of good things that they will get when they tie the knot. Truthfully, and I believe
Isaiah and Becky now this, marriage is rather an empty space into which good things can be built or deposited for the enjoyment of the other person. When both come to the box with the desire to give and deposit good things for the other, it fills up quickly.
So when I see them building gate posts, screening gravel for concrete,
saving their kisses until the wedding altar, I am hopeful that they are getting some things right. I see them gathering the building materials of purity, self control, honesty and perseverance, kindness to neighbors, and a good work ethic. These are already laid in the foundation of their marriage. They (and many young people around the nation) are preparing for their future marriages before they are married. They give to or place into the empty marriage foundation strong stones, straight boards and later, delicate materials that would easily be broken if handled carelessly. When they enter the marriage, they can each receive from the gifts that the other has placed there. As they continue to build, decorate and furnish their home, they will do the same with their marriage, continually placing into the trustworthy hands of the other one such things as friendship, reverence, honesty, fun, excitement and enduring and committed love.
Isaiah. and Becky we are very proud of you and we look forward to seeing your lives blossom together.
Originally written 3/6/10 ON 2momsofeather.blogspot.com
P.S. Thanks for your friendship and enjoyable personalities for this last year. We look forward to seeing that hole filled in with good things.